On Life As A Picky Foodie

Happy 2012 everyone!

There's a book I love to read to Vida Lev.  In it, the world becomes a relatively small, very nature-oriented planet where the birth of a child is passed on from creature to creature until gradually everyone is ready to welcome a new being onto this earth.  Beautiful, no?  And about as far away from our technocratic, virtual world as it's possible to be.

We live far removed from one another and while physical distance is easier to bridge than ever -- my daughter knows the word Skype already, and knows that it means we will be seeing her grandmother on the computer screen -- local relationships sometimes feel trickier to manage.  

The other day, a woman I follow on twitter was commenting how distant she feels from her Facebook friends.  I have to admit that I completely understand her.  My Facebook page is personal and everyone on there are people I have met face to face and have felt some kinship to at one point or another -- from pre-school to high school, from El Salvador to Ojai, these are people I supposedly know.

And yet, I often find these "friends" and I have little in common.  Sometimes I am even offended by their postings -- apparently, in addition to lovely and kind people,  I am also "friends" with fascists, bigots, racists and chauvinists.  (I'm shuddering right now, by the way.)

When I was first introduced to twitter, I rejected it completely.  Enough, I said, no more social media.  But seeing as The Picky Foodie won't grow legs and walk the earth without some help, I decided to give it a shot.  And the results were astounding.  Though I haven't met most of my twitter peeps -- with some wonderful exceptions like the delightful Molly of The Particular Kitchen and Mona of Wise Words -- I find we have so much more in common than I do with so many of my "friends" on Facebook.

Today is my three-month veganiversary.  While many assume I have been vegan for yonks, I wasn't ready to take the official step until this year, October 12th, to be exact.  My 35th birthday.  Will I be vegan forever?  Who knows!  But for now, I'm enjoying the feeling of not eating animal products (with the exception of the occasional bit of honey), experimenting with plant-based proteins, and eating in a way that is more in line with my values.

While I took this step on my own, I have found inspiration in so many blog posts, recipes and experiences shared by the people I have found on twitter.  What can I say?  It does truly take a village.  Here are my  3 faves:

-  Gena Hamshaw at Choosing Raw -- hilariously, when I went to her website to double check the spelling of Gena's last name, I found a recent recipe for  a similar kind of bread and just like me, she found that while the loaf is good, it's probably closer to the taste of a health-food-foodie (in fact, I think I'll try hers next).  Nutritionist, future super-power MD, Gena is a wiz in the kitchen and knows truck-loads about health as well as recovering from Eating Disorders.  Love her!  

-  Seyward Rebhal's Bonzai Aphrodite -- totally fabulous, totally fun, totally unique, totally vegan.  I return to this site again and again, for inspiration and because Seyward is just totally awesome.  

-  Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy website-- This woman has makes living with incurable disease look glamorous.  She's the rock star of healing with food and healthy living.  Think attitude isn't important when it comes to kicking Cancer's ass?  Check out Kris, her amazing story and her wonderfully informative website.  

Through these and other sites I visit regularly, I will occasionally stumble on a one-off wild card recipes by people I haven't heard of before.  Blog posts passed and retweeted, about foods and recipes I'm delighted to play with as well.  And so too with the original recipe for this moist apple bread by Wendakai.  In my gluten-free, mostly grain-free life, I sometimes crave bread and sometimes long for cake.  This recipe falls somewhere between sweet and mildly savory, between bread and cake.  Does that make it a loaf?  

Anyway, the first mouthful took me back to the night I gave birth to Vida Lev. After we had cleaned up, my baby had fed for the first time and we were all happily cuddling in bed, Elke and Sandesh, the amazing midwives, asked me what I wanted to eat.  By then it was one in the morning and I hadn't had any food for close to twelve hours.  "Be careful what you ask for," Elke said, "because you will remember this for the rest of your life."  She was right: the slice of toasted bread DW had baked for me the day before with almond butter and fig spread is something I still dream of.

And when this lovely little loaf came out of the oven, as my beautiful daughter slept in the next room, I slathered a nice slice in almond butter and topped it with fig spread and a touch of nostalgia.

May this year bring health, happiness, joy and may you dance in the sunshine.

With love,

Gabriela

Gluten Free, Vegan Apple Spice Bread

1 c whole garfava flour (a mixture of garbanzo and fava bean flour available from Bob's Red Mill)

1/2 c millet flour

1/4 c almond flour

2 t gluten free baking powder

1 1/2 t cinnamon

1/2 t ginger powder

1/2 c date sugar

2 T mesquite (optional)

1/4 t sea salt (optional)

1 flax egg (if you need instructions on how to properly make one, Bonzai Aphrodite has great instructions here)

3/4 c apple sauce

juice of 1 lemon (about 1/4 c)

1/2 c water

Instructions:  Preheat the oven to 350 Fahrenheit (about 175 Centigrade)

In a large bowl, mix the dry ingredients: flour, baking powder, spices, salt

Add the wet ingredients and mix well.

Bake for about 50 minutes.

This loaf if great toasted though, as I mentioned before, it might not be for everyone.  

There's a great story of my mother, who has always baked "different" (read: healthy) things, taking a zucchini bread to a picnic once.  The husband of a friend of hers couldn't get enough of it -- he just loved it.  Until my mother told him what it was made of and he found he suddenly didn't like it anymore. 

Afterwards he politely requested that my mother never reveal what she put in her lovely baked goods again. 

Have you noticed that when you feel like crap, it’s sometimes easier to keep falling down that rabbit hole rather than picking yourself up and going in the direction of feeling better?

As the Holidays strike, I’m flabbergasted at how different this time of year is in New York from London.  First of all, only one – yes one – person has told me about being hungover this entire month!  This is quite a change from last year’s December, which I affectionately dubbed National Hangover Month in the UK. 

Then there is the shopping/gift giving extravaganza which, while manic in both places, seems just ever so slightly more absolutely over-the-top insane in the US. 

No matter where you are, however, ‘tis unavoidably the season to reflect on the year that’s past and project onto what’s to come.

Which brings me to this: today sucked.  It did.  Not a little bit, not could have been better.  No.  Today was just crap.  It happens.  And the trick, I find, is to hall my buttocks out of it as quickly as I can.

What does this have to do with the Holiday Season?  Well, in my experience, people complain about how much they eat, how little they move, how irritating family is over the holidays.  And they vow to change everything from their fitness level to their marital status to the circumference of their waist in the coming year. 

By the time January rolls around the salespeople at your local friendly gym are ready to embrace you with open arms.  And for a few weeks, everyone’s resolutions are steadfast.  We eat only greens and (for non-vegans) poach our eggs instead of frying them.  We head to the treadmill with religious zeal.  And we make up with everyone we hated just two weeks before.  Why not, right?  It’s a new year after all!

Then February hits… And come March, we’re back where we started only without a big milestone like New Year to declare the first day of the rest of our lives.

Today was a bad day.  If tomorrow is one too, chances are the next day will be more challenging than if tomorrow is better.  So how to stop this from spiralling further downwards?

Start by taking stock, face what sucks: the pain, the fear, the sadness, the crap.  Try to take just a few minutes to look back and realize what went wrong, what felt wrong, and how wrong wrong actually was.

Then try to forget about it, go do something you love – recharge those batteries.  For me, this is writing.  I sit at the computer and… well, I could write a blog post, for example.  Or email someone I love.  Take a bath, sip something soothing, go for a walk. 

Take a moment to set an intention for the next day.  This could be esoteric and vague or super concrete: you can simply hope for laughter or you can plan hour-by-hour – whatever works for you and in your circumstances.  For example, tomorrow, I’m planning to enjoy a long bike ride.  The thought of breathing in all that fresh air and cycling over the Brooklyn Bridge is already lifting my spirits. 

Lastly, try not to take it out on the people closest to you.  For me, this is DW.  DW who came home early to help, DW who is doing the dishes as I type, DW who wants, more than anything, for me to be happy.  Never forget, the people who love you are on your team, they’re on your side.

So as the Holidays approach and the family closes in, or the loneliness stings a little more, how about taking a moment to plan how NOT to fall off the wagon by starting to treat yourself well NOW? 

And with that in mind, here’s some seasonal green smoothie greatness to savour and enjoy. 

Cranberry Parsley Green Smoothie

1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries

1 banana

1 cup apple juice

½ bunch or a handful of parsley

1 t pumpkin pie spice

1 date

3 t freshly squeezed lemon juice

Start by blending the first three ingredients until smooth.  Then add the rest and blend, once again, until smooth.

To your health!

Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all enjoyed healthy foods?

Wouldn’t it be even lovelier if our children ate what we feel is healthiest with joy and pleasure and ease?

In my experience, they can and do… sometimes.

Recently, Debbie from Words to Eat By, one of my favourite Mum food bloggers came out and admitted that while she is all about the food, her little one sometimes has other ideas.  Quite courageous on her part!

It got me thinking about what I eat and how it has evolved to include this little person with a lot of big opinions. 

Let’s think up an example.  Like, maybe, I don’t know… green smoothies.  Vida Lev used to love them.  I’d put everything from kale to coriander (cilantro) in there.  Spinach?  No problem!  Chard?  Bring it on!  And berries and chlorella or spirulina -- even hemp seeds made an occasional appearance.  If you’re a Mom and you’ve asked me for advice about feeding your kid(s) – or even if you’re not but we’ve chatted nutrition -- chances are, I’ve thrown a green smoothie at you in one form or another.

Hell, green smoothies are my breakfast almost every morning. 

Sadly, not for Vida Lev.  No more.  This week, she said “non” for the first time – a clear, decisive, no-friggin’-way: “nonononononononon, uh uh, non non”.  While her ability to verbalize is brand new, she’s been pursing her lips and shaking her head for quite a while.  And green smoothies were one of the first things to get the thumbs down.   

At first I was freaked out.  But seeing as we’ve decided to trust Vida Lev to let us know her preferences from the first food she put into her mouth (cucumber), I figured I’d keep riding the wave and see where it led.

So far, we’ve had the mushroom phase, the cooked onion phase, the avocado phase(s), the apple and pear months, the nori phase that has yet to end.  There were a couple of banana days and kelp noodle nights. And, of course raisins – those never seem to go out of style.  She’s loved and hated the same foods twice in a day, gone off foods and then demanded them with a face that says Come on, didn’t you get the memo???

People ask me what I feed my child all the time. 

The easy answer is this: she eats what we eat.  For the most part, however, when I think I’m making something she’ll love, she turns her nose up at it.  On the other hand, when I doubt my eighteen-month old will be interested, she’s all about my plate! (like when she ate most of my jicama, beetroot and hijiki salad in a tangy carrot ginger dressing!)

The recipe below was no exception.  I thought it looked like mac ‘n cheese and don’t all kids like that stuff?  It contains some of her favourite foods: peas, pumpkin – or so I thought.  Besides, everyone says kids love pasta. 

Well, not this one.  She left her father and I to finish it off all by our selves.   

Pasta with Pumpkin Sauce and Macadamia Kream

(allergy warning: contains nuts)

As is often the case right now, dinnertime hit way too quickly.  There I was, slightly panicked but determined not to succumb to the draw of easy takeaway.  I think we’ve had pasta 3 or 4 times in the last 18 months.  It’s not something I make often mostly because I’m not a huge fan of how I feel after eating it.  But once in a while, on nights like this one, it works: unlike many of our staples, there is no pre-soaking, no pre-planning, just boiling water and a timer.  And the sauce?  This crazy little invention was the result of a quick scan of what we had in our cabinets and some improv.  Thirty minutes later, we were sitting down to dinner -- a much less embarrassing outcome than the last time I did improv and ended up taking my bra off in front of 20 people.

Ingredients

For the Pumpkin Sauce:

5 garlic cloves, clopped finely

1 15 oz. can pumpkin (425 gr)

¼ t dried sage

pinch rosemary

pinch chipotle powder*

squeeze lemon

2 c frozen peas

1 cup water + more (depending on the size of your pan)

* we use very little to keep it child-friendly but add more at the table to suit our individual tastes

For the Macadamia Kream:

½ c macadamia nuts (preferably soaked for a few hours, but not necessary)

½ c water

¼ small onion or shallot

½ T balsamic vinegar

salt

Instructions

Chop the garlic as fine as you can or, even better, use a garlic press.

Pour about an inch of water into a pan and add the garlic.  Bring to a boil and allow to simmer for a few minutes, until you can properly smell the garlic.  Make sure the water doesn’t all evaporate although it’s ok for some of it to. 

Then add the pumpkin as well as another cup of water, the sage and the rosemary.  Allow to simmer on a low flame, stirring occasionally.

In the mean time, you can make the macadamia Kream by simply combining all the ingredients – nuts, water, onion, balsamic, salt -- in a blender and blending until smooth.  (Note: I didn’t use any mustard in this version though I probably would add about ¼ t next time to give it a little extra kick)

Once the pumpkin has reduced a tad, add the frozen peas.  Cook until they are ready but not mushy.  Then add the chipotle and stir in a squeeze of lemon.  Turn off the heat and allow the sauce to cool slightly.  Then stir in the macadamia kream. 

The macadamia kream shouldn’t be cooked although the pumpkin sauce, being hot, will heat it up.

Serve over (gluten free brown rice or buckwheat) pasta. 

The past couple of months have been a blur of boxes – packed and unpacked – shifts – mental, physical, emotional – and searching, looking, yearning for some kind of stability and, dare I say it, routine.  It’s funny that two adults needed a baby in order to have, and learn to cherish, routine.

The past couple of months have also, unfortunately lacked any kind of proper time to devote to me, my work, my writing, my Picky Foodie world.  Every night, when I sit at the computer it is to get things done so we don’t drown in administrative tasks.  And by the time I’m done with those, every part of me is completely shattered.  As a Holistic Health Consultant to myself, at that point, I recommend sleep. 

Still, so many moments that would have been wonderful to share here, have gone unrecorded.  However, today I knew I would be writing this down no matter how late it was or how tired I got.  Full-time motherhood is the hardest, most exhausting, most time-consuming job I have ever done and probably will ever do.  I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again: kids don’t come with a pause button.

But for all the challenges…

Today was a rough day.  Vida Lev didn’t sleep very much or very well and kept me up most of the night with constant demands to nurse.  It was also a day packed with activities, play dates and I needed to cook dinner to take over to a friend’s house.  When Vida doesn’t sleep, she can get grumpy (who doesn’t?).  When neither of us sleeps, well, it can get pretty trying.

I decided to take her to the park in the hopes that a little fresh air and a good run around might help.  She took off after the ball but then stopped and came running back to me in tears.  She demanded to be picked up but wanted to be let down again immediately.  Exhaustion coupled with an inability to verbalize what’s wrong.  Eesh!

Finally, she lay down on the grass and looked up at the sky.  A small smile appeared on her face.  She pointed at the airplanes, the birds.  “Ooooo” she whispered in awe of a falling leaf or a cloud.  Then she turned to look at me and patted the spot beside her. 

There we lay, staring up at the blue sky, the flutter of cotton candy clouds, feeling the chilly wind on our runny noses. 

“La la la,” she sang softly beside me.

“La la la,” I replied in a similar tone.

“La laaa,” she sang and waited.

It was my turn: “La laaa.”

“Laa laa.”

“Laa laa.”

“la la la la.”

“la la la la.”

For a magical moment, all that existed was the blue sky, the clouds, and my daughter and I singing a song together that had no words but felt like the clearest, truest love song.  Her voice went as high as it would go and then low low low.  And I followed, happy.  I felt her little hand grab my thumb.

La la la

Easy Easy Quinoa

These days, there is no time for fuss.  There is less time for dishes or planning or complications.  I thought I’d share one of our autumn favourites. (Although I’m currently no longer eating grains but that’ll be a post for another time).  It’s got greens, sweet seasonal root veg, protein-rich quinoa – this is truly a perfect meal-in-a-bowl or a fantastic nutrient-dense side dish.   And, it’s super versatile: make it with leftovers, change up the greens or grains you use, add different spices.  Or, do the whole cook once, eat three times thing.  It works, and best of all, it will keep you from missing magical moments because you were too busy in the kitchen.  

1 ½ cups quinoa

1 medium squash of choice, preferably one with edible skin (I love kabocha)

1/2 T coconut oil

4 onions

1-2 bay leaves

1 T balsamic vinegar

½ t cinnamon + ¾ t cinnamon

½ t ground cumin

pinch chilli flakes or to taste

1 bunch kale

 ¾ c raisins

water

salt to taste

Soak the quinoa overnight or throughout a work day.  Make sure you cover with enough water so it doesn’t get all soaked up. 

Drain and rinse well.

Bring to a boil in 3 cups of water.  Once it’s proper boiling, lower the flame and cook until the water is gone (around 45 minutes).

Pre-heat the oven to 350F/175C

Chop the squash into bite-sized pieces. Combine with the coconut oil and mix well to ensure pieces are ever so lightly coated.  Sprinkle with salt, ½ t cinnamon, a sprinkle of rock salt and a pinch of chilli flakes.  Roast for 45 minutes. Pull out of the over and give the pan a good shake/ stir and return to the oven for an additional 20 minutes.  The squash is ready when it is easily pierced with a fork (but not mushy). 

Chop the onions into thin strips, put in a pan along with the bay leaves and balsamic.  Cover with water and bring to a boil.  Allow to simmer, topping up the water as needed until the onions are well-cooked (around 45 minutes).  There should be no water remaining in the pan. 

Finely chop up the kale. 

When the quinoa, squash and onions are ready, combine in a big bowl.  Stir in the kale, which will be slightly “cooked” by the heat of the rest of the ingredients.  Then add the additional 3/4t cinnamon, the cumin, an additional dash of chilli flakes and lastly, the raisins.  Adjust the seasonings to taste.  

Serve warm or at room temperature.

There are very few occasions when people from all parts of your life get together.  Tonight, when I turned on my computer, I’m not sure why, but my wedding photographs popped up.  Tonight, of all nights, it’s especially poignant.

A couple of days ago, a good friend of mine died.  I only found out about it yesterday though.  He was a very special person and although I hadn’t spoken to him in a few years, he held a special place in my heart. 

He was the kind of guy who picked up and went on great adventures.  He and I were supposed to drive from California to the Southern tip of Chile together.  We had everything in place: I had quit my job in television production and was going to pass my learners’ permit so I’d be able to drive, he had sublet his place and had gotten his car serviced. 

We hadn’t known each other for very long, but we’d become instant friends.  Our mistake was that we briefly became lovers.  That wasn’t our trajectory.  And soon enough, somewhere between Colorado and California, we agreed that maybe we weren’t meant to be.  Still, we continued, because we cared about one another – just not in that way. 

I had also, by accident, met the man I would marry.  By accident, because I was looking forward to my ride to Chile, when I met DW.  I wasn’t in the market.  On the contrary, I actively didn’t want to fall in love at first sight with a writer who lived in Los Angeles.  I’d recently promised myself that 1. I would no longer date writers and 2. I wouldn't get into any long distance romances.  

But then suddenly I found myself, planning the adventure of a lifetime with my friend, while, at the same time, dreaming about an almost stranger who I’d met twice in my life. 

The inside of my head became one of those impossible to untangle knots that jewellery winds itself into for no reason.  It can be sitting on a table one moment and then it’ll be all wound up in itself the next without having moved.  Like love.  Like friendship. It was complicated yet my friend made it very simple: we decided we would end our trip in Los Angeles, he dropped me off at DW’s place, gave me a warm hug, whispering “good luck” in my ear, and headed out to get on with his life.

He was a good friend and even though he and I hadn’t spoken in years, I knew the world was all the better for having him in it.  He was young, a few years shy of forty.  He was healthy and fit.  I keep asking myself how it could happen to him.  Death.  Tonight I am angry at Death.  Why does it seem to be everywhere right now?  What in the world does it want from a great guy with a huge amount of kindness, a great attitude and a ton of ambition?   

I remember his zest.  I remember his intelligence.  I remember when he called to tell me he had met someone special.  They got married a little while ago, and tonight, I am thinking of her too though I never did get to meet her.  I know I would like her, if my friend fell for her.

Apparently in the interpretation of dreams, death symbolizes change.  For DW and I, it’s been tough to get our heads around all the changes we’ve been going through -- on every level, in every aspect of our lives.  I can see how death and change relate to one another.  But when faced with the reality of someone no longer being alive, somehow it’s different.  For me, change implies that there is a way back, that you can change your mind or make another change if the one in place no longer suits.  Death, however, is irreversible.  I still feel that empty space in my stomach whenever I think of my grandfather.  It’s the void he left, the one that will never be filled again.  And that is unchangeable.

I was going to write a whole different post about being thankful and what to cook to mark your gratitude, but that one will wait.  Today, I want to pay my respects to a wonderful, inspiring friend. 

It’s been a while since I last posted.  Every day, I’ve wanted to write something.  And every night, bedtime rolls around without the post getting written.  It reminds me a lot of my dietary tendencies from a few years back: tomorrow, I promised myself every night for a million years, would be the day I would eat better, eat less, eat healthier. 

The bottom line is this: we moved continents one month ago, I was full-time Mom-ing until this week, we co-sleep so I basically go to bed when Vida Lev does.  Most embarrassing though, I don’t have any new recipes to share.

We are trying to find a routine knowing that in just a few weeks we will be moving again.  We search for an anchor, something familiar and feel homesick while embracing this newness with joy.

I am happy to be here, I truly am.  But right now everything feels completely up in the air, like aluminium foil confetti – not that pleasant at times but quite pretty at others.

And, of course, there’s a little girl with a huge amount of emotions that she can’t quite express yet to consider and love.  The other day, she went and found a picture of the lovely lady who took care of her in London, pointed at it and burst into tears.  So, you know… cooking isn’t number 1 on my list these days.

Most nights, I’ll throw a bunch of something in a pot – lentils, wild rice, sprouted quinoa, roast or steam something to go with it – squash, broccoli, maybe add some kind of dressing or protein – zucchini hummus, guacamole, nutritional yeast.  Nothing too exciting; but this is the grounding, simple food we are craving at the moment. (by the way, if you have yet to experience the lentil/roast squash combo, I urge you to do so on a cold wintery night.  It's comfort food at it's most warming)

And, happily, I have landed in a place where I can actually buy things to eat.  Not online, not a million miles away.  At the grocery store, or at the place where these things are actually made. Hoorah!

American food is usually synonymous with oversized portions of fake weirdness drenched in alien sauces that could survive nuclear explosions.  What is rarely mentioned is the flip side of that coin: the myriad of healthy, health-conscious companies doing their best to keep our lives easy and our energy high. 

So, for the first time in years, I am no longer forced to cook every single meal.  And I’m loving it!  I’m loving the organic/local, green, nothing-added, fresh produce and products.  And DW is loving all the fun stuff he can add to his daily bread without warranting raised eyebrows from his wife. 

In light of this, I thought I’d share some of my favourite things that make my life easier without compromising my health:

* Artisana Coconut butter: if you know me, you know how much I love coconut.  This is made from the flesh of the coconut and isn’t just oil.  A wonderful addition to smoothies and desserts though a friend of mine spreads it straight onto her morning toast.

*  Ezekiel tortillas and cereal: while I don’t personally eat these products as I can’t have gluten, I’m happy knowing that DW is treating himself well.  Even Vida Lev has given them a shot – the jury’s still out on that one.

*  Norwalk green juices: there’s something about how they bottle these babies that prevents oxidation.  So while I’m still in flux and without my own juicer, these are a real treat – note that I say treat because they ain’t cheap.  (I buy them here or here or at Whole foods)

* Faux Gras: Ella, the Queen of Brooklyn (otherwise known as The Regal Vegan), produces her wonderful product in small quantities and guarantees quality.  It’s lentils, walnuts, caramelized onions and other delicious goodness.

* And so much wonderful, unpasteurized coconut water.  As much as I can afford. 

* Kelp noodles.  I believe I’ve mentioned these once or twice...  Try them.  They’re awesome.  Here’s the recipe I use.     

* Raw breads that contain nuts, seeds and sometimes sprouted buckwheat. Vida Lev loves them too.

* And of course I have found dessert.  I already had my faves: One Lucky Duck Oreo ice cream and/or cupcakes from Babycakes.  But recently, desert has become a rich chocolate pie from Hail Merry or Rocking Raw’s cinnabuns.  Gluten Free, Vegan, Raw.  And yet absolutely delicious.  Yes.  Really.  Ask my husband if you don’t believe me.

As we ease into life here, create our place, we will begin to cut corners, and splurges will probably involve more kitchen gear so I can make everything I need at home.  But in the mean time, we’re drinking, eating and loving it up in this wonderful, crazy, disgusting, holy, miraculous, fun, dank, amazing new city we’re starting to call home. 

N.B.  DW reminded me that no list of products would be complete without sharing my favourite one of all: my lip balm.  I remember crying at the price tag a decade ago, but have still not found anything better or cheaper.  

On a final note: I was not paid by any companies, nor was I sent any samples of these products for review.  However, if you’re reading this, lovely people who make these lovely things, I’ll happily accept if you feel like sending me some…

This is my baby girl just a couple of weeks ago: peaceful, at home in London, oblivious to the changes about to take place.  Although we made a book to explain that we were going to be moving, that we were leaving London for New York, I was well aware that it really was more for us grownups than for the sixteen-month old toddler who pointed out the big red busses and the airplanes in the photographs much in the same was she did in the street.

But the Grand Bus Rouge was replaced by the Grand Bus Jaune and I don’t know whether she expected everything to be so different.  I am familiar with New York, I knew what was coming, and the changes are still intense.  DW has been commenting about how different I am in the city.  Calmed somehow, he says, more at ease.  And bizarrely, I feel just as much at home here now, at age thirty-five, than I did the very first time I landed at JFK, over twenty years ago. 

We said goodbye to London in the best way we knew how: we walked through Hampstead Heath and to the Marylebone Farmer’s market.  We smelled the cheese at The Fromagerie one last time, we stopped by our favourite neighborhood café to swap general complaints.  There were people to take leave of and traditions to enjoy. 

But really, it’s the little things that make a place feel like home.  And wandering the streets of New York City, it becomes clearer with every step that London doesn’t feel mine – never has.  I loved it like a tourist on an extended stay, but I have missed the crazy fucking place that is New York.

When we were drowning in boxes, I couldn’t quite get past the questions of what we should keep, what we should sell, what should come on the plane with us, what we should leave behind.  It felt like an interminable list, constantly circling around in my head, piercing my brain like ice picks in the middle of the night.  What about the high chair?  What about the sofa bed?  What about the …?

October fourth, the day of departure, came way too quickly.  In about five seconds and after a hundred years.  I wasn’t ready.  I had never been more ready.  The taxi arrived to take us to Heathrow at 10:15 sharp.  We loaded our eight bags, the stroller, the car seat, the foldable cot – travelling light wasn’t an option this time.

The moment of realization had come earlier, as DW and I walked up the street to say goodbye to our friends at The Kitchen Table, where we spent gazillions of hours over the years.  On our way up the road, we had held hands, feeling each step in silence, knowing that we would not be making this silly little walk, which we had so taken for granted, again.  They had greeted us as they have every day for the past four years.  And we had said goodbye much in the same way we had so many times before.  DW and I laughed as we crossed the street and headed back home.  It all felt so… normal.

An hour later, the tears flowed. 

Saying goodbye is tough.  Because even if you return to the same places and see the same people, nothing will ever be the same. 

Someone else will be living in our house.  Another family will inhabit the walls where my baby girl came into the world.  They will cook on the incredible range, and take that same wander up the block to order sandwiches and fantastic coffee at The Kitchen Table.  They will live fifteen minutes from Hampstead Heath while we …

We are heading into this new chapter in our lives.  One in which nothing is clear or determined yet.  In the past few weeks, we have been in turn excited and terrified, elated and suspicious, relieved and regretful, sad and joyful and everything in between. 

As the taxi pulled out, a weight lifted off my shoulders.  I could do nothing more, even if I had wanted to.  What was packed would be packed, what was being shipped we would see again in a few weeks, what would be would be.  And if I wanted to avoid motion sickness, I needed to keep looking forward.

I don’t know if I actually laughed out loud, but I felt like doing so.  To go from being worried about what box contained my fermentation pot to not caring in the space of half a millisecond knocked me off balance enough that I was grateful to be sitting down.  The only thing that mattered wasn’t whether we should or shouldn’t take the furniture, or how many tea bags I should take on the flight – it was the two people sitting on either side of me, my husband and my daughter. 

And then, just like that, we find ourselves wandering the streets of New York slightly in awe, but also bizarrely at home already -- we know where we like to eat, where we like to shop for groceries, who we need to call, what we need to see, do, explore, experience.  Only unlike in the past, there's a little person involved and at the same time everything is new.  

Vida Lev is now toddling along, which means she has little time to be in her carrier or her stroller.  So we let her wander the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn to her heart’s desire.  She waddles, holding her arms up on each side of her to keep her balance.  And then every so often, she squats down in a kind of downward dog to recalibrate before taking off again.  This child fits right in here: already she is in a hurry.  People wave, people smile, people ask whether her boots come in adult sizes.  If you think New Yorkers are rude or unfriendly, you should set a beaming toddler loose in the streets: never have I seen such love, enjoyment and pleasure in people’s faces as in the past few days with my little girl. 

On a final note, I will say this: we have gone from a four-bedroom house in London to who knows what in New York (though I know for a fact that whatever we find will be smaller than what we were in).  The stress, which was can I keep this?,  has now become why in the world did I hold on to that?

Life.  The jokes never stop coming.

Recipe: Breakfast for Globetrotting Parents 

When you're moving continents and running after a very energetic little girl, breakfast needs to power you through until God knows when.  This one might seem complicated and filled with scary, unknown ingredients, but people often ask me what I eat so I decided to share this latest favourite which has kept me sated, grounded and happy for many a challenging morning recently.  I won't lie, this is one greeeeen smoothie but it's choc-full of good fats, minerals, protein and awesome quality slow-burning fuel.  Plus, in my opinion, it's delicious though I am aware that my palate is greeeeener than most people's so consider yourself warned.  The great news is that all you have to do is blend so it's super simple to make.  And if you let the mixture sit for a few minutes, it will thicken up into a pudding.  I like to top mine with juicy berries and crunchy cacao nibs for something to chew on, and eat it with a big old spoon.

Ingredients:

1 T coconut butter

1 T hemp seeds

2 T chia seeds

1 t spirulina

1 t chlorella

1/8 t kelp powder

1 t cinnamon

1 t vanilla powder

1 dropper Oceans Alive

1 banana

3/4 c raspberries

1 dried fig

4-5 kale leaves, stalks removed

1 cup water

For the topping (optional): 

small handful fresh blueberries

a sprinkle of cacao nibs

Instructions:

Combine all the ingredients in the blender.  

Blend well -- you might need to add a little more water, depending on the strength of your machine.  

Allow to thicken for a few minutes.  

Top with blueberries and cacao nibs (optional). 

P.S.  Happy Birthday to ME!

For the past while, I’ve been reading (and drooling) about pop-up restaurants without being able to partake in this latest foodie fashion.  I cannot think of a less pleasant phone call to make than ringing a four-day passion project to ask whether they can do me a gluten-, dairy-, bla bla bla, everything-free version of whatever it is they have spent months agonizing over.  Not really my idea of a good time – not for them, not for me.

Until this week.  Thanks to the lovely Molly from The Particular Kitchen – my twitter friend who magically transformed into real-life bud – I found out about this place: Tolerance Restaurant 

Vegan and gluten-free – in London (England) -- huh?  Huh?  WHAAAAAT?

The last time I got this excited about food in London, it was served on a bus and the view was of hookers. (long story)

DW and I had a date-night planned for Friday, and seeing as cinema times are not really geared towards co-sleeping attachment-parenting Ima and Pappa of a toddler, we decided to check the place out.

Let me start with a warning: there are no pictures of the food.  I wanted to enjoy, relax and eat without stressing out about whether I had a good enough shot. 

We called to ensure that I could, in fact, eat their food and got a resounding yes.  Even when I called again, early Friday morning – the day of said dinner – to make sure there was no dreaded agave, the friendly Natalie who was to be our waitress, patiently and kindly liased with the chef to assure me.  Raw avocado chocolate mousse it was then!

DW and I sauntered through the streets of North London, holding hands, feeling strangely free and yet as if we’d – as DW said – “left a part of our hearts back home.”  It’s difficult to leave Vida Lev.  And wonderful to be alone with my husband. 

Like good parents on a ticking clock, we arrived early and chatted to the two women in charge – one of whom was the lovely Natalie from earlier.  The other was her equally gorgeous sister.  They made us feel welcome and comfortable, a detail that always has huge ramifications on my dinner – the attitude of restaurant staff is more often than not, reflected in the food, don’t you think?  Their charm lasted throughout the meal.  Really, truly, I could have sat there for hours.  I loved the décor, the lighting, the whole ambiance was wonderful. 

And now to the food.  This is trickier.  Let me start by saying that I did very much enjoy it.  The ingredients were fresh, and clearly a lot of love and thought had gone into each dish. 

Simply put, I’d give the Chef a 10 for effort.  I could tell he worked his ass off to provide a range of options showcasing his different talents as well as catering to us “healthy” “vegan” types.  Each course offered both raw and cooked options -- earthy roots, refreshing salads, great grains and healthy fats. 

For all three – the starters, mains and desserts -- DW and I shared a cooked dish and a raw one.  The cooked dishes were without a doubt superior to the raw though I feel a little guilty saying this as I’m so grateful that there was raw food to begin with!

Our starters were a salad with mandolin-thin sliced sweet potato and olive and tomato tapenade – richly flavoured, a great combo of sweet and savoury.  I happen to be very partial to mixing things like olives with sweet roots and was very happy with the results in this particular salad.  It was satisfying without being heavy.  The raw nori rolls, on the other hand, were surprisingly unconvincing.  They tasted like many a raw mock tuna salad I have had in the past – something I’m not all that keen on anyway.  But based on the description on the menu, I had expected a lovely, mellow vegetable roll, not the intense taste I was confronted with.  It didn’t feel as well thought out, as nuanced as the cooked salad (which did contain raw spinach leaves). 

For mains, we had the quinoa cakes and the raw stir-fry (which obviously wasn’t fried) with pine nut “rice.” 

I’m going to interrupt myself here to mention a pet peeve that extends to most of these places: please don’t call something by a more widely known name if what you’re delivering is completely different.  Don’t say “pizza” when it has nothing to do with the famous dish, or “meatballs” when there isn’t any meat for miles, or “stir-fry” when it isn’t fried.  OK, I feel better now.  Thank you.

When DW had his first bite of the quinoa cake with cabbage sauce, he pronounced it “bland.”  But lo and behold, by the second, third, fourth, twentieth bite, we were both wanting more.  I want it for my vegan Thanksgiving; or for Sunday roast.  Every week.  It was a warming, comfort-food type dish – not immediately impressive -- but it crept up and discretely turned wonderful.  In fact, we requested a takeaway sample for Vida Lev, which the chef kindly sent us up on the house.  How sweet is that?

Unfortunately, however, though the raw “stir fry” and “rice” wasn’t bad, it also wasn’t fantastic.  Here’s the thing about raw food: getting gourmet raw food right is harder than it seems.  Almost anyone can make a decent salad, but what separates a bunch of lettuce leaves from actual uncooked greatness is the same thing that separates a chef from a passionate cook.  Once again, however, I would have to give Chef Cooper a 10 for effort.

For dessert, DW had the chocolate hazelnut cake, which I tried a tiny bit of (it contained soy so I stayed away for the most part).  I found it slightly dry – personally, I’m big on icing – but DW would happily have enjoyed a second piece had his stomach, budget and ego allowed him to.  My raw chocolate mousse was good.  The chef made me a special agave-free version for which I was grateful.

What a treat to be able to spoon food off DW’s plate, to allow him to taste mine without having to request additional cutlery -- to eat and enjoy without worrying and wondering. 

I know this guy is going to make waves in London.  At least I hope he will.  Because I could taste his passion in every bite.  He still has a ways to go, but I applaud him.  Bring on the healthy, gluten-free, vegan pop-ups!

We enjoyed our experience at Tolerance so much that DW and I decided to stop by Oliver’s Café, where the pop-up took place to check out their regular service.  Again, lovely people, lovely ambiance.

“Where has this place been all my [London] life?”  I wondered out loud.

We had to laugh – ain’t it always the way?  Like when you’re about to go to the hairdresser and your hair looks perfect for the first time in forever. But hey ho, we leave for New York in a week!

That being said, I was chatting to the owner and the guy behind the bar about vegan food and raw food and how different people react to it.  I’m of the opinion that anyone who cooks special diet meals should be focusing on making their food exciting and delicious for everyone, not just people who choose to or are forced to eat a specific way.  Whether it’s gluten-free, vegan, raw, or all of the above, it needs to knock your socks off, even if you eat ham and cheese baguette every other meal of your life.

For example, some of the diners at Tolerance were turned off by the fact that the chocolate mousse was made with avocado.  My theory is that had they not known the strange and unexpected ingredient to begin with, they probably would have enjoyed it more.  Case-in-point: my raw chocolate banana torte.  The name doesn’t give anything away, nor do I tell people about the tahini or the avocado (unless, of course, there’s an allergy or intolerance issue) until they’re licking their fingers and plates clean – and, believe me, they usually do.  This recipe appeared in the second Leon cookbook, Naturally Fast Food.

Raw Chocolate Banana Torte

A great one to make a day or two in advance as the extra time lets the flavours meld together.  Trust me, if you can get past the idea of avocado in dessert, you’ll love it.    

For the Base layer

¾ cups almonds

6 dates, pitted

¼ cup melted coconut oil

1/3 cup sunflower seeds

pinch salt

For the chocolate layer

2 avocados

2 T tahini

6 T cacao

½ t vanilla powder

2 t honey

4 T water

For the banana layers                       

4 ripe bananas

It is important to start by making the base layer so that it has time to set in the freezer:

For the base layer:

Combine the almonds, dates, sunflower seeds and salt in the food processor.  Melt the coconut oil in a Bain de Marie to avoid overheating.  Once the coconut oil has liquified, pour into the food processor while it’s working.  The mixture should end up as more or less one uniform ball. 

Divide into two parts, one larger (about 3/4), one smaller (about ¼) and put the smaller one aside.  Press the larger part into an 8 inch round cake pan with the base of your palm until it is about half a centimetre thick.  Put in the freezer to set while you prepare the other layers.

For the first banana layer:

Mash up two bananas.

For the second banana layer:

Chop the remaining two bananas into even slices.

For the chocolate layer:

(This can be done by hand or in the food processor – the key here is to make sure that it is extremely well-mixed: you don’t want little chunks of avocado ruining the party.)

Mash the avocado.  Mix the tahini in very well.  Add the cacao and vanilla powder followed by the honey and make sure everything is well blended – it should look like and have the consistency of chocolate pudding.  At the very end, dilute ever so slightly with water.  

To create the torte:

Pull the bottom layer out of the freezer. 

Cover with the mashed bananas.

At this point, roll out the second, smaller chunk of base layer dough until it is about as thick as a pancake or a tortilla and gently place on top of the mashed bananas

Gently arrange the chopped bananas over the entire surface

Cover with the chocolate layer.

Keep Refrigerated until serving.

“It’s so nice to see you enjoy.”  Dw’s words were painful to hear.

Have I really been taking such little pleasure in my food lately?

The answer is yes.  Honestly, truly.  I wish it was different, but the reality is such that recently I have been cooking because my child needs to be fed, or as a way of procrastinating the mountains of packing that await me in every room.  Food has, in the past few months, become a chore.

Over the years, I have removed and reinstated countless ingredients: tomatoes, oats, tamari, potatoes (sweet and regular), aubergines (eggplants to the Yanks), to name a few.  Some have remained, some have been jettisoned again, while others come and go depending on how I’m feeling.  

Last March, I found myself depleted of energy, drained at all times, my thyroid was acting up, and I hadn’t been able to lose even a gram of the weight I had put on during my pregnancy.  The very talented Naturopath I saw recommended I remove all nuts (except coconut and some cashews and macadamias if necessary), seeds, pulses and grains.  We compromised on oats, which I happily ate for breakfast every morning and stuffed in every dessert imaginable (something had to replace all those nut-filled recipes!).  She also requested that I eat more meat – something I have been trying to remove altogether (since becoming a mother, I have found it much more difficult to stomach).

I agreed to try and within a few weeks, I was feeling a hundred times better.  My weight started to normalize, my skin, which had been red and blotchy for a while, cleared up, my mood lightened.  All was well.

Until it wasn’t. 

For me, food should be about enjoyment.  I love textures, colours, flavours.  I mix, I match, I test, I taste.  Since Vida Lev was born cooking has become even more important to me as often it is my only creative outlet.

My list was pretty stark:

Dos: greens, potatoes (which I can’t stand unless they are French Fries drowned in mayonnaise – yes, really), sweet potatoes, mushrooms, fruit, coconut, all meat, especially wild caught (ugh, yuck – sooo not into it right now), chocolate (ok, so I didn’t ask about this one.  Technically, cacao is a seed, but I played shtum and decreed it was “different” i.e. the only way to get through this)

Don’ts: gluten, dairy, soy, sugar (refined), flour, beans, nuts, seeds, aubergines. Peppers, grains and other nightshades (unless well cooked).

Green, yes.  But dull.  Dull.  Dull. 

At first, I was so happy to be feeling great -- I started working out again and revelled in my newfound vigour.  It was a hot summer and we spent three weeks in the Middle East where it was easy to stick to salads and fruit.

Upon our return, however, things started to change. 

I got bored.  Then I got angry.  Then the cravings started. 

Some people stop eating when they’re emotional.  Not me.  And sugar is my port of call.  I kept telling myself that it could be worse, that I could be eating a pint of actual ice cream instead of Choosing Raw's soft serve made out of only bananas (seriously, it's amazing all on its own but if you want to be truly decadent, try it on top of my Unreasonable Brownies -- just be sure to omit the cayenne).  But the body doesn’t care if you’re overeating on Carvel or Chiquita. 

So what if I was eating too much healthy food – it was still too much and I wasn’t feeling good.  Again. 

This week, I decided to start incorporating things back into my diet.  I wanted to rediscover joy in my meals.

This journey is exactly that, a journey.  And when I find myself getting too preachy either when I speak to people or when I’m writing this blog, my body finds a way to remind me that I too struggle on a daily basis with what is right for me, what is healthy in my life, what I need in order to feel my best.

By now, my palate has changed.  For example, I have no desire for, almonds, that powerhouse of plant-based protein I didn’t think I could live without.  On the other hand I find myself craving, chia and hemp seeds, which I didn’t care for in the past.

But really, what I’ve been missing most is bread.  It’s a texture thing: is there a more satisfying experience than biting into a good piece of bread?  Bread is such a basic part of my food memory, a constant in an ever-changing childhood.   I know I’m not the first to say this, but when I first went gluten free, the thought of living without bread was terrifying.  Thankfully, and again, I know I’m not the first to have this experience, we do have a myriad of wonderful options available to us these days.

In order to celebrate my return to joyful eating, I started back at square one, a return to basics if you will: I baked bread.  I made not one but two different kinds of bread – one raw and one more mainstream.  Usually, I reserve these posts for recipes of my own creation.  But I cannot claim ownership of either of these.  It’s been a while, and it was nice to be able to find inspiration out there in other people’s adventures.  Both breads came out wonderfully and there are no words to describe the pleasure I’ve been taking in every single bite.  

Two Bread Recipes

Raw Butternut Squash Flatbread (raw/vegan)

A friend of mine uses her oven pilot light instead of a dyhydrator.  I cranked up the dehydrator one last time before our big move. Note: when eating dehydrated foods - whether your own or store bought -- don’t forget to up your liquid intake.

(Adapted from Shazzie’s book, “Evie’s Kitchen, Raising an ecstatic Child.”)

Ingredients:

- 1 butternut squash, peeled, deseeded, roughly chopped

- 10 cherry tomatoes – I used a mixture of yellow and red.  They’re so sweet right now

-  ½ cup fresh parsley, roughly

- 1 t coconut aminos (or soy sauce)

- 3 T ground flax seeds

- pinch of sea salt (optional, to taste)

- ¼ t sweet paprika

- ¼ cup water

Directions:

Start by processing the butternut squash and tomatoes well.  Then add the water, parsley, flax, coconut aminos , paprika and salt and process again until a paste forms.  This could take a few minutes and you might need to add more water, depending on the veggies.

Then spread on teflex sheets and dehydrate at 105 Fahrenheit (40 Centigrade) for 5 hours.  Flip over and remove the teflex sheets and dehydrate for an additional 8 hours until they are hard but still flexible. 

Enjoy with avocado and sprouts or according to your personal preferences.

Pecan, Almond and Buckwheat Bread

They say when you’re adapting a recipe, the first thing to do is make it exactly as the original instructs.  Then you can play and change things from a clear starting point.  Until I baked this bread, I didn’t think I was physically capable of following a recipe.  Usually, I start to pour and mix and suddenly I’ll feel an overwhelming urge to change things, add an ingredient that I know will improve whatever it is I’m working on.  But this bread was so easy and simple that I just followed it without even thinking about it.  The only difference was that I used a rectangular baking tin because that is what I have.   

I will, however, be working on an egg-free/vegan version.

The original post is so beautiful and evocative (much like the rest of her site – definitely worth losing yourself in for as long as you can spare) that I’d rather you check it out
on La Tartine Gourmande's blog rather than copying and pasting it here.  This bread blew my socks off.  It's hearty and rich without being heavy.  Though I didn't know whether this strange new taste would stand the baby-palate test, Vida Lev gobbled up a couple of pieces with relish.  

The other day someone said it to me.  The subject was my daughter. 

My answer? 

Unreasonable?  Moi?  You bet!

Though it wasn’t meant as a compliment, I have come to the conclusion that being unreasonable is not a bad thing.  It’s simply a lack of reason.  And reason can be more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to matters of the heart – family, love.

The brain’s job is to solve problems, discover patterns, make rules.  Emotions and feelings exist in a completely separate realm where one plus one might equal a hula hoop instead of the famous t-w-o. 

The thing about using words like “unreasonable” isn’t just that it’s judgmental and condescending.  In my experience, people who talk about being reasonable are usually the same people who view emotions as a four-letter-word.  Eek, gloopy, uncontrollable, messy, unrestrained emotions – call the police!  Or the brain.    

Ever heard (or used) the expression “keeping busy”?  People constantly need to keep busy.  It’s a way of making sure our brains don’t nitpick our lives to death.  Because the problem with having to solve problems is that when there is a dearth of trouble, you bet the brain will do its utmost to create some. 

“Unreasonable” used to feel like an insult to me and yet somehow when I heard it the other day, I almost laughed.  For the first time, I owned up to the fact that I am, at times, very unreasonable.  And that’s just fine with me.

Six and three quarter ways to make sure you’re being unreasonable:

1.  Go for a walk in the rain.  When the skies open up and it’s pouring, head out.  Wander around those familiar streets and take a good look at a totally new part of the world without leaving your neighbourhood.

2.  Use Raspberries As Finger Hats.  They’re so much more delicious that way. Or better yet, use them as hats on the fingers of your beloved.

3.  Do what you love.  This is a new one for me.  I did the whole “choose a reasonable career that will pay the bills” thing.  It left me sick and depressed.  Then I procrastinated because I feared and I reasoned.  Now I’m ready. 

4.  Have Dessert For Breakfast. Raw chocolate smoothies have successfully converted many a night owl into morning people. (tweet twoo)

5.  Love The One You’re With.  Be it a friend, a partner, a pet, or your own wonderful company.

6.  Find Inspiration.  I love Julia Cameron’s concept of the Artist Date.  It’s awesome.  Best done during the day when you “should” be doing something else. 

And the three quarters?  Read Between the Lines.   

Unreasonable Drenched Brownies in Melted Icing

(Adapted from Meghan Telpner’s hot hot hot and spicy brownies)

Sweet potato, cayenne and apple sauce in brownies?  Sounds pretty unreasonable, doesn’t it?  Need more convincing about how wonderfully delectably delicious unreasonable can be?  Give these babies a try.

Ingredients

For the brownies:

-  100 gr. 100% cacao chocolate bar

-  1 T coconut oil

-  ½ cup sweet potato puree (steamed and then mashed/pureed)

-  1/8 cup honey

-  ½ cup coconut sugar

-  ½ cup Valrhona cacao powder

-  2 t vanilla extract (gluten free)

-  ¾ cup apple sauce

-  ½ cup coconut flour

-   ½ t baking powder

-   sprinkle salt

-  ½ T cinnamon

-  ¼ t cayenne

-  1/16 t green stevia powder

-  1 banana, mashed

-  ¼ c cashew milk (blend 1/8 c cashews and 1 cup water – use the rest for the melted icing)

-  ¼ cup water (or more)

For the Melted Icing:

-  1 cup cashew milk

-  1 T coconut oil

-  1 T coconut butter

-  1/8 cup Valrhona cacao powder

- 1 T honey

Directions:

For the Brownies:

Preheat the oven to 350 Fahrenheit (176 Centigrade)

Melt the chocolate and coconut oil in a double boiler / bain de Marie.

In the mean time, combine the wet ingredients and process with the S blade in the food processor.  Transfer to a large bowl and fold in the melted chocolate and coconut oil. 

Pour into oiled baking pan and bake for 60 minutes (check after 30 and then every 10 minutes with a toothpick)

Allow to cool fully before attempting anything.

For the Melted Icing:

Blend 1 cup or the leftover cashew milk with the coconut oil (can be room temperature, shouldn’t be too firm), coconut butter, cacao powder and honey.  Should be like pancake batter – not too creamy, this is unreasonable icing after all!  Store in the refrigerator until the brownies are fully cooled. 

Then drench and allow to set in the fridge for at least five hours.

Note: coconut flour does not a crumbly brownie make.  These are too gooey to be cake, and too cakey to be mousse.  But if you allow them to set (see below*), they’ll reward you with fudge.