Since becoming a Picky Foodie, I have, for the most part, stuck to restaurants I know and trust. However, being married to an indiscriminate omnivore means that from time to time, I need to venture out of my comfort zone and try new places, if for no other reason than to watch my husband’s face light up. A few months ago, after a terribly dull meeting, we were starving and miles away from any of our usual fallbacks. DW suggested we head to one of the big department stores that has a restaurant on the top floor. He assured me it was simple fare, unfancy and flexible. Though my Picky antennae flared up, my growling stomach silenced any hesitation.
My husband and I sat next to a thirty-something, bespectacled British couple who were clearly stealing a date in the middle of their workweek.
New restaurants are tricky for a Picky Foodie. Everyone from the hostess to the dishwasher is an unknown entity, one with the potential to bring on delicious greatness or nasty discomfort. When I felt confident that the waiter had understood my detailed list of allergies and intolerances, he went off to speak to the chef.
The couple next to us had listened to our exchange with interest but I said nothing -- they obviously weren’t chatty types (unlike me who has been know to strike up a conversation with a radiator). When their food arrived they tucked in in silence.
“How is it?” the husband asked after a few bites.
“It’s nice,” his wife replied.
He reached over and took a large forkful of her fish without permission. The man chewed his wife’s lunch with way more thought and attention than he had paid to his own.
“Are you sure? I think there’s something wrong with this. I don’t think it’s good. Are you all right?”
The wife who had been calmly eating away suddenly stopped. “You know, I’m not sure,” she said. “Is it?”
After a few moments of consideration, she put her hand on his: “I’m all right. It’s all right.”
“No.” her husband replied, “it’s not. There is something wrong with the fish.”
He gestured to the waiter and pointing at the plate, now three-quarters finished, explained that his wife had been made ill by the fish, that it was unacceptable. The waiter scrambled to get the manager who assured the couple that he was incredibly sorry, and was there anything he could do to make up for it?
The man told and retold his story three, four, five times to the same two people, pointing between his wife and her plate, gesticulating harshly, exclaiming loudly that they had poisoned her. I would have been convinced that the couple were simply trying to get away with not paying for their meal had I not watched the wife become noticeably sicker in direct correlation to her husband’s voice.
It was quite incredible, and definitely humbling to watch her transformation. I became acutely aware of how often I had brought that kind of thing onto myself.
Many a meal at a new restaurant has ended with me feeling unwell and convinced that there was dairy in something, gluten in something else or a little bit of everything everywhere. While this might have been true in some cases, as I looked at the woman at the next table, I realized that at other times, it could simply have been my own insecurities and fears.
Rarely do we get a chance to see ourselves as others do. That day, I did, and it made me take notice.
While I don’t want to minimize the importance of remaining vigilant, especially for those of us who suffer so terribly from even the smallest particle of the wrong food, it is just as important that we examine the sources of our own unease. Sometimes I think it’s easy to blame others: an impatient waiter can have the same effect as a slice of cheese if I let it, anticipation can turn into full-blown malaise without a bite of food even entering my mouth.
Digging deeper into the concept of holistic health, I have come to realize how directly our relationship to food mirrors our relationship to life. The same anticipation, the “what if” that so easily takes over can create a crisis before a situation has had the opportunity to properly unfold. Sometimes the movies in our heads are much more powerful than what is actually taking place. In no way am I saying that it was all in her head – the fish could easily have been off. What I am saying is that watching her made me realize what a fine line there can be between being Picky for the sake of safety and paranoia.
I watched the woman at the next table create an entire drama based on a script written for her by her husband, and realized how often I had authored my own panic-driven scenario.
Don’t get me wrong: it is imperative for those of us with allergies and intolerances to remain vigilant, but it is also up to us to learn to seek out situations where we can allow the company, the food, the experience to occupy the starring role, to trust our instincts and not be afraid to ask as many questions as we need in order to feel comfortable and safe. In my experience, most good restaurants are pretty flexible when it comes to dietary restrictions. However, we should choose wisely and not be afraid to walk out if something feels wrong.
Have you ever held back for fear of making a fuss? Have you ever spoken up and regretted it? How did that decision affect you? Consider how the situation would have been different if you had reacted differently.
Do you regularly leave dinner parties or restaurants with an upset stomach? Are there foods you know you should avoid but can’t be bothered making the effort? Changes in diet and lifestyle can feel daunting at first. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you need help taking those first steps, please email me at info@thepickyfoodie.com for a free health consultation. Together, we can figure out what you need in order to feel better, healthier and more comfortable asking for what you need.
Be well and enjoy!
Gabriela
P.S. When you do have a great dining experience, don’t forget to thank the staff for their attention and patience. Remember to tip well and make sure they know you are grateful for the extra effort they made. You will be making it worth their while, making them feel appreciated and paving the way for the next Picky Foodie.
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